Coming out of my cave

First off , I want to thank everyone that made such kind comments. It really is so kind. The blogging community can be so awesome at times. I finally started to get caught up reading other peoples blogs also . I have never got this far behind. I have pretty much have caught up. I don't comment much but I do read all of your blogs. I read regular blogs also besides just a steady diet of mental illness blogs.

Anyway, I'm trying to do better. It is off and on for me. I will get there. It is moving slowly. I'm slowly getting back to eating. I just got somewhat of an appetite back. The irony is I'm getting more teeth pulled today and getting everything finished. My partial will be put in today also. That means even if I'm hungry it will be painful to eat. The good part is I will lose more weight. The bad news is my shorts and pants hardly fit. I like my clothes and I'm also cheap can be frugal at times. I'm excited though that all my teeth will be fixed completely today. I think I had some fillings done last week in the bottom teeth. Which completed fixing my bottom teeth. My teeth where a mess and they will be pretty again. Time anymore is such a blur to me.

I have been watching chick flicks on tv recently. I was never a fan of them. They are perfect when you don't want to think and just need a laugh or an escape. They have been good for me. It makes a difference than watching a movie I watched in this last month called For Coloured Girls. That movie was deep and despairing. Not like the stream of movies like Maid In Manhattan, 2 week notice, Confessions of a shop acholic. You get the drift. Chick flicks are good for not thinking and so very predictable. I really don't need serious movies at the moment. That is pretty much how I spent my week-end. I also had a real nice dinner out. It is nice not to cook and have something decent. My only complaint is the serving sizes out are so huge. Also, most of the time not worth taking left overs. I used to take home scraps to the animals but don't any more since I really don't want them fat and the elderly dog doesn't need anything to mess up his liver more. I still have yet to take his urine in. Will probably do that today. They are going to test him for Cushion's Disease. He is doing OK though and has his days. Will know more about the options for him later this month.

I have been making list to help me with getting things done. My list is getting done very slowly. I'm just really trying to get back into the groove and find it hard. I start off good then I'm moody. Like a damn roller coaster of emotions. It really is the grief I feel and it will all level out in time. It is just one wild ride. I have to chunk everything down to digestible bites in my life at the moment are it is so overwhelming for me to get what I need to get done. No one ever died of a messy dirty house, I don't think. I'm not going to die of my disorganization at the moment either . It does cause me anxiety though and it will get done. I have so many things that I want to do this year. Summer is so short here it sets me in a panic to waste the precious days of summer. Anyway, I'm going to really start rambling and don't need to do that . I need to finish my coffee even though it is late in the morning. I probably won't enjoy my coffee tomorrow with a sore mouth. Choke another smoke down and get ready for the dentist. If I feel like it tomorrow I will blog. I have some positive news to share also and just mundane life.

The Benefits Of Massage

I'm up early this morning. I slept good. It has been a couple of weeks since I haven't woke up several times in pain . My shoulder is coming along. I'm pleasantly surprised by the results of massage therapy. Massage therapy is very under-rated in the western world. I was even unsure about something that wasn't traditional in a medical sense. I have pretty much gave the medical profession the middle finger since 2007. So, I was willing to try something else when my shoulder came up. One thing that also helps things along is drinking plenty of water. I think the theory is to wash out the toxins after a massage as the body trys to get rid of lactic acid. I'm not sure. I also soak in Epsom salt to get rid of the pain. It doesn't really get rid of the pain but it isn't as pronounced. I don't feel like I have been beating after a massage if I drink a ton of water and soak. A big factor is to keep it flexible after a massage. I keep active now no matter how painful it is. I have surprised myself lately with keeping more active. I didn't think I could with the pain. I get tried easy now and don't have the endurance that I did. It will come back though in time.

Keeping active and working through the pain gives me hope and is a boost to my self-esteem. Sitting around and doing nothing was really effecting my head. I was feeling defeated and helpless. It was effecting my mood. I'm still working on my energy level and just doing things slowly but eventually things will get done to my liking. The house is a little overwhelming at the moment. Nothing has much got done in several weeks. I have been gradually working on it this past week in small chunks. I'm back to cooking though and it makes a big difference not eating crap. Eating packaged food made me physically sick. My body isn't used to a steady diet of crap. My digestive track is getting back to normal. I'm also not as irritable and cranky. I do experience some irritable still though but not as bad. I have a handle on it. I can stuff it more and bite my tongue. I'm also able to deal with my rapid fire of thoughts by writing down the words that pop up in my head on paper . I take the words and make a sentence with them. I also make more list lately so I know what the hell I'm doing. I would be lost at the moment going grocery shopping without one. Usually, I can keep a list in my head. It is just that time of year for me where my mood changes .

I guess I will close. I have the morning to enjoy by myself. I also have a relaxing day to look forward to. I really don't know what I will do today as it is a free day for me.