Another Day In Paradise

It has been a busy week already. I think part of the reason I haven't felt motivation is physically my body hasn't wanted to go there. Not long after I wrote my last entry the other day , I had to go to the hospital again. I had irregular heartbeats for several days prior to that and it was only getting worse. I was waiting that day to call the Nurse Practioner. I was told to go to ER.

I went to ER. They treated me like I was having another heart-attack. It didn't feel that way to me but I was pretty weak all over. The doctor in the ER was treating me like I was having an panic attack. I know the difference with panic atttack and something wrong with my heart. Blood was drawn and ativan under the tongue was gave with the usual baby asprin just in case. I was hooked up to various machines. I had to wait till the lab work came back. I was suffering from very low potassium levels due to being depleted by one of the blood pressure medications I was taking. It was very very low. Potassium allows your muscles to work and if you don't have it it will make your muscles not function . The heart is a major muscle. I had to stay in the ER until they gave most of it back by IV. That took several bags and hours to push through my body. After, I was done they sent me home with more of this potassium pill called slow k. Disconituned one of my blood pressure pills. So , basically until I see a doctor next week I'm without a blood pressure pill. I still have another that is more for the heart. I switched to another blood pressure pill last week. The metropyhl(sp?) was blocking my heart so much that I couldn't do anything physically or have any stamina. I was in pretty good shape with stamina before taking it and made it impossible to do anything physical. I was told it was a beta blocker and it could possibly do that. So, last week they put me on a diarectic (water pill) Well that depleted my potassium. So, I don't know what is next with a blood pressure pill. I'm still on Cardizm. I was refreed to a person in this area that does hearts even though he isn't a cardioligist but a interetist. We have very little specializist in this area being rural . It is fine with me though. His office called yesterday wanting to hook me up to a 24 hour holter EKG machine and doing other testing such as stress test etc. I will know more today as I 'wasn't around the house to get the call. I will call and make that appoinment today when his office opens.

I have tried to stay busy as I have a million things to do. We took the puppy to the vet for her heart worm test. It is a little late in the season but finally got around to it. She is on heart worm now. Finally, after so long got around to taking the older elderly dogs urine up to the vet to test for cushings disease. We will know something by Friday.

After doing that we wanted something fast to eat but nothing to fast food so went to Pizza Hut. We generally don't eat out and didn't know if Pizza Hut would be terrible or not. To our surpise it was pretty good. We sat out on the patio and it was wonderful even though it did rain some while we where out there. What a smoker will do for a smoke. (haha) After, that we ran our usual errands and ended up at the vegetable tent. We have been so starved for anything vegetable or fruit. We bought a bunch of vegetables and bought some fresh salad by the pound. They have lovely salad already made. It is so nice to have a fresh salad already made up with a ton of veggies in it when your tired and don't feel like cutting that all up. I also got some fresh cut up fruit salad. It was loaded with fresh melons, berries of all types and kiwi. I also found a sicilian eggplant. Never have used one but it looks interesting. I think I will just grill it the same way I use eggplant. A little olive oil, salt and pepper. If anyone has a better way or a recipe for it please share.

I'm going to get a massage today. My shoulders and back have been hurting again. It hurts to sit and stand up. I'm not comfortable in any postion. it hurts to move around and be active. I walk like a little old lady. I push myself anyway but it is getting unbearable. The massage helps a lot but I get relunctant to do it because of the cost. I rather spend the money than to be in horrible chronic pain that renders me useless. This will just put the pain to an acceptable level where I can still move. The only other thing that really helps is percocet which I really don't want to get addicted to. I use this product also called Biofreeze. It does help a lot from stabbing pain to dull pain and makes me more flexible. I feel like an little old lady discussing all my aches and pains , health problems.

I think I will wrap this up and listen to the gentle rain and have my morning coffee.

Ouch

I have been basically been living on the couch for about the last four or five days in a hazy painful fog. I managed to develop dry socket. It finally donned on me today to use some oral jel pm which is like paste in my tooth socket. It was wonderful and most of the pain went all away. I was thinking about going back to the denist to get my socket packed but the thought of seating in his office for along time as he is so packed and backlogged didn't appeal to me. It has felt like I have had a nasty flu on top of it. I think the nasty flu feeling came from breaking down and using the pain pills. I thought i was taking darvocet and looked at the bottle after a few days and it wasn't darvocet but oxycodone. It totally wiped me out and made me very sick to my stomach and very itchy. Made my head feel funny also like it was numb. It is very efficent with pain though so I broke down and put up with all the side-effects. I'm glad I ran out of it though. It made me so constipated that I ended up having to take some laxative. Oh the joys of naroctics.

Since, I google everything , I googled dry socket. I had it years ago getting my wisdom teeth took out. It basically is a condition that is a matter of time to heal and not much can be done except packing the socket which takes away the pain. The tissue from what I understand generates in seven days. My head and jaw has felt like it could fall off or explode. It has very much limited what I could tolerate to eat and keep down. Between the pain pills and the dry socket I lost 5lbs in a week. I was convinced if I could get a solid meal down me I would feel so much better. I was right. Sometimes, illness and pain causes other problems and it ends up a train wreck. Or for me on the couch for days to sick and in pain to do anything. I'm not to upset to lose weight as I needed to lose it. I have actually for some reason started losing weight about for the last two months. I just don't care for food as much. Just some cutting sweets out and a few other things here and there has been a drop of about 15lbs. I have been cutting salt out for the past month and it seems to have helped also. Maybe , not retaining the water that I was retaining. I think that really has to do with the blood pressure meds I have been on also has helped. My feet used to be swollen a lot and are never swollen anymore.

Anyways, I hate pain and being sick. I was such on track before this and I feel so disorganized, at a lost to where to pick back up again. The house looks like a bomb has went off and I just shake my head. It is amazing how thinks can snowball in a week to being a disaster zone. It is very overwhelming. Everything goes to hell around here real bad when I'm not well. Some anger creeps in about how everything goes to hell with J. J is so little help when I'm sick or in pain. Nothing stays remotely picked up or anything. I'm lucky if I get fed when I'm sick. Or it is on J's time. I'm told after I finish this 2nd smoke or whatever. I'm not into waiting a half an hour for something when I want it. It was very patheic the lack of everything that wasn't done this past week and I'm pretty mad about it. I actually started to get extremely cranky about it a couple of days ago. I rarely ask J to take care of anything and when I do I'm totally let down. It does me no good to discuss it with J at the moment either. J is a total mental wreck. I can be a total mental wreck and suck it up and do what needs to be done when someone needs me but J can't it just overwhelms J more to have demands made. J thinks that J is doing more around the house. Yeah, J is but it just really is not enough. Compared to what J used to do for the last four years which was basically nothing , it is an improvement. It is so frustrating for me though. I have been learning the art of letting go . I feel defeated with any standard of anything around this house or life and it reinforces the reason why I don't rely on anyone. It is very sad at times. I have told myself it will get better and for four years it just is starting to improve a little. I got to a point a longtime ago that if it improves it will be nice but if it doesn't I didn't care anyways. It is easy to think that way when you don't have to rely on someone to do anything. I have had to rely on J much more since I have had a heart attack. I'm so looking forward to going to the doctor next week to start getting back to the physical level and doing things on my own like I was before. This month has sucked in many ways but has opened my eyes also. My at peace feeling is leaving me and I need to figure out how to get back to it. Probaly because I haven't took care of myself in the past week and have been to cranky and in pain to be bothered.

This could be two post

It was such a grey windy morning when I woke up. I was less than thrilled about this winter thaw we are having. A couple of hours later it was so bright and sunny. I changed my mind about the hot day. The temp is (40F)or (5C) I'm getting real good at converting back and forth from Fahrenheit and Celsius. I should say more of a ball park as I have basically memorized what is what. I still don't think in metrics. My head clicks back and forth with metric and Celsius. It reminds me that I'm taking to my new country and home. I have also pretty much have shed my southern accent and slang also. I was never raised in the south but my parents where southern and for awhile lived in hillbilly hell in the states. It has took me a good 2-3 years to shed my accent and also develop an ear for other ethnic accents. I was totally lost when someone from certain countries from Europe, Asia or India spoke to me. Not any longer as it sounds very normal to me now. I watch the show swamp people and you would have to run sub-titles on that show now for me to understand them half the time.

I went to my massage though yesterday and realized though when I'm totally relaxed my new non accent and old accent comes and goes . It is weird. Sometimes, I still have to think how to articulate something in clear English or I should say without an accent. I have picked up more of an English vocabulary since living in Ontario full time. When my mother and daughter came and visited this summer, we all looked at each other at times and wondered what the other one was saying. I never realized they had an accent. They had a hard time with my non-accent and different words for different things and some cultural differences. Example, if you order tea in Ontario, you will get a cup of hot tea. In the states , you will get Iced Tea. The Ice tea is different also here. You will get a can of Ice tea. In the south or mid-west you will get some blend of probably Orange Pekoe that is cooled and made into ice tea with tons of sugar. Here that would be like drinking cold hot tea and why would anyone want to do it. Like drinking cold coffee. There is so many little subtle differences between Canada and the States. I could write a whole blog on it. Many differences even in the different provinces just like in the states from North, North West , South West, West, Mid West, and South.

This is going on my third straight year here without going back and forth to the states. I think it has helped me adjust better not going back and forth every 3 months or 6 months living here and there. It really has been a positive on the pocket book not maintaining two houses and for my ability to really find myself. I hated living here full time at first. I hated the rural area etc. I hated being away from my family. I hated to have to start over again. But to be honest , I just hated change. I have always hated change. It is very stressful to me. It is a trigger that makes my moods upside down. I should say what ever mood I'm worse. I have been more open to some change in my life .

Spring coming up is always open to change to me. Just like the season changes so does my mood. Even though we still have a couple more weeks of who knows what here. I can see the gradual change to spring. I see the gradual change in myself. The depression is lifting. The yearning to exercise is coming back. So is the yearning to be healthy and active again. It is like I'm going to get my leafs back or bloom. Even in my depressed or mixed mood down deep I wanted to get back to living a healthier lifestyle and fixing some of my nagging physical pain. I never really thought of myself having chronic pain as it wasn't as horrible as some people with chronic pain. I would just have bad day after I did something like real heavy activity or lifting. Then it increased to a couple of bad days after that kind of activity. Then after all my pain is easier to deal with if I'm in a higher mood or not depressed. Depressed , I don't deal with anything much less pain.

I have been coming along real good physically. My shoulder which was totally immobile went from horrible bitter sharp pain to nagging dull pain to more stiff. I still have a little ways to go but I really feel so much better. I'm also working slowly on other nagging areas such as back. It really has me intouch with how much I need to shed some pounds and get active again. I used to work out to make certain areas strong such as my abs for my back. I also did rowing to strenghten my shoulders. When I gained a ton of weight last year and stopped being active I started to hurt gradually more and more. I was also real skeptic about massage. I got to tell you , I'm sold now. I had a ton of scar tissue formed around difference various muscles in my shoulder and rotator cuff. It has been slowly but sort of fast 2 times a week for a month and I don't feel the pain like I did years ago injuring myself. They are able to break down the scar tissue without surgery. The best thing is doing it new scar tissue doesn't grow back. My body is a mess of years of accidents. Accidents caused by poor judgement and high impact activities. I don't want to be a old lady before my time. I have stopped that stuff for the most part. i just think things out a little better now. I hope I can stay with my new stife to get better.